Things I’ve Done That You Never Have

I’m responding to Dave’s MeMe post:

You know I don’t usually go in for the meme thing, but I just saw this interesting one on the blog She’s just saying and thought I’d give it a go. Actually, I’m more interested in seeing your own list, but I suppose that wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t do one myself. So here goes: Ten things I’ve done that you probably haven’t:

1) Been to a nudist colony

Well… not really. Does trying to convert a beach into a “clothing optional” spot count?

2) Built a robot

Nope. But I still bust a “robot” dance move whenever a song from the 80’s plays on a radio.

3) Gone indoor skydiving

I’ve been bungie-jumping – does that count? Only once, after 2 shots of Rumpleminze, chasing it with hot chocolate. We set up the platform right above the posted “NO BUNGIE JUMPING” sign on the bridge.

4) Picked locks

Worse. I put locks on the double-doors of my high-school during Christmas Break. A friend of mine from across the street (who will remain nameless for at least another sentence) and I put padlocks on quite a few doors, causing chaos on our first day back at school. Alika and I were never caught. I think that the statue of limitations has passed by now, right?

5) Carried a boa constrictor

Worse. Owned a snake in Hawaii. This is illegal, as there are no snakes in Hawaii. The only place you’ll see one is at the Honolulu Zoo. My boyfriend brought a ball python back from New Orleans in his pants (no jokes, please, my mother-in-law reads this blog) as a gift for me. “Monty” disappeared one day, and a few weeks later, my mom found him when she reached into a gym bag in a closet in another room thinking that she was grabbing a belt. I heard her scream from two-blocks away, and was so stoked that she found him! She, on the other hand, was ready to bring back spanking as a punishment, only across the face.

6) Given a ride by weirdos while hitch-hiking

Ah. I, too, was picked up by weirdos while thumbing a ride. A friend and I ran out of gas on our way home from Tahoe, and a stinky couple picked us up in the wee hours of the morning. We sat in the back seat with crates of rotting strawberries, which they insisted that we try. One of the crates had worms in it. We pretended to eat the infested berries to keep them calm; they both became insulted when we claimed we didn’t like strawberries. The gal kept nodding her head violently to the music playing, which was similar to flutes and string-instruments. A head-banging classical music aficionado of course. Either that or she took a bad hit of acid.

7) Picked up a girl wearing a gorilla mask (me, not her)

I drove around a guy wearing a full gorilla suit in the back seat of my new convertible car. Similar, yes?

8 ) Been offered coke by a Hollywood producer (I declined)

Been offered coke by a mafioso. I declined as well. Next?

9) Been hypnotized (by Pat Collins, the “hip hypnotist”)

I’ve pretended to be hypnotized for a comedy skit held at the former “Club 97” in Bend. The radio station I was working at was sponsoring the show, and I was asked to show the headliner around town. He convinced me to “butter” the crowd by pretending to be hypnotized into thinking that whenever he said “chug-a-lug” that I had to have an incredible thirst and drink anything put in front of me. They put a non-alcoholic beer on a table in front of another faker in the front row, and I ended up drinking that plus a few shots of apple juice. When I was brought “out” of my hypnotic trance, I had to agree to act as if I were super-buzzed the rest of the evening. That alone is worthy of another post.

10) Been to Skywalker Ranch

Shoot. You got me there. I guess you win. 🙂

Okay, not the most exciting list. That’s why I wanna see yours!

And now you will. Here are 10 things that I’ve experienced that YOU haven’t:

1) Eaten a baby octopus, raw, while it was still moving.

2) Predicted a very scary accident less than five minutes before it happened.

3) Had a fat transplant (opposite of liposuction).

4) Sliced my ear off.

5) Swam a mile off-shore with friends (heading towards a small island) and spotted a shark nearby.

6) Slid on a skateboard deck in the snow atop Mauna Kea in Hawaii.

7) Cultivated a rare 200+ year-old yeast and now prepare food with it on a regular basis.

8) Been abandoned in a foreign country (and I didn’t speak the language) without any money.

9) Fired a semi-automatic AK-47 and hit every round in the target area from 100 yards on my first try.

10) Been a blonde, brunette, redhead, and have even sported green hair:

I wonder if I’ll be able to top my Top 10 in the next ten years….

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2 Responses to Things I’ve Done That You Never Have

  1. Deborah says:

    My brother cut off three fingers working at a mill. It has caused emotional issues for him. Watch your cousin for signs of depression.

  2. Jen Jen says:

    OMG!! You sliced off your ear?? How did that happen?

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