I had the day off today. Only eight hours instead of eleven.
But yes, I did enjoy having three hours off this morning as I sat awaiting a call for backup at the restaurant.
I spent the next eight hours working in the kitchen breaking sales records for a Sunday afternoon and night (as far back as I had the patience to compare). October is typically slow, as is January and April. Perfect times for vacationing.
I need to skip town soon. My grandma is not doing very well, and I’ve been coached that she’d rather see me now than have me at her funeral. That’s a sad thought. She’s 94-years-old, and still tenacious and feisty… but still. She’s old.
If I were to walk in to her hospital room tomorrow morning she’ll still know exactly who I am and get teary-eyed. Every time I see her she reminds me that I’m the reason she even gave birth to my “father” (who I couldn’t pick out of a lineup). It kills me. She loves him, as all moms love their kids, but to have her say that to me just tugs tugs tugs at my heart.
A friend of mine took his life a few days ago. He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and has had a wife and two children. He didn’t want to bankrupt his family with medical expenses and decided to end his own life. I’ve been hurting just thinking about what he was thinking about, and hurting thinking about his wife and how much she hurts. His selfish act wasn’t intended to be that. But it was. And now I’m crying again.
I wish I could turn my mind off.
Isn’t it strange that the health, acts, issues of others are what cause our own worries and anxieties?
I’m fine. Healthy. Happy.
Yet I’m just ready to tune out and drop in. Tune in and drop out. Something like that.