and I’m missing it.
I keep thinking I have my “eye on the prize” but really? I’m just tied down, and I’ll never show up to pick up the prize without making some drastic changes.
I used to have a life. Now I have a restaurant.
Even if I didn’t physically work at my business, I’d still have to plug in (at the very minimum) 4 hours a day doing schedules, payroll, pulling reports, paying bills, returning phone calls, balancing the books, fixing mistakes, calling in favors, writing donation certificates, building and planning ads, and smiling throughout it all.
The labor pool in small towns for a restaurant job is not a deep one, and no BS, the crew I have right now are the best I’ve ever had. Smart, funny, hard-working, loyal and (finally, after almost four years) honest. But it’s not enough to run the place, and I find myself every morning hunched over this here laptop, frantically finishing projects before having to “clock in” and put in the labor of the job.
I leave my notifications on, too, just to entertain me and hopefully lure me from the monotonous task that I’m in the middle of.
LOOK! Someone posted something on my Facebook wall!
LOOK! Someone sent me an email… eh, nevermind. It’s a work contact. I’ll read it later.
LOOK! Someone took a photo of a sunset in New Zealand just now and I really need to tell him how fricken cool it is…. right after I finish ordering more of this and taking care of that and calling joe shmoe and dealing with richard cranium and making sure that so ‘n so can have Thursday off to go to a concert….
And what’s really ironic is that it’s the labor of the job that I love. Yet, it’s impossible to do the physical part without keeping up with the paperwork. The boring stuff. You know, the stuff that matters. Straight up brain work.
So how do I get to the prize? I know what it is, and where it is, I just can’t get there on the path that I’m on.
Lame. Too many metaphors. I wish I could just lay it out. I guess that’s why shrinks make so much money, eh?